In Doctor Who’s third serial, “Edge of Destruction,” the Daleks Aren’t Robots!? crew must contend with the most dangerous of adversaries — A RUSHED BOTTLE EPISODE! Meanwhile, the crew of the Tardis deals with the second most dangerous adversary: audience complaints.

Daleks Aren’t Robots!? is a podcast in which two Whovian friends take two non-Whovians on a deep dive through the show from the very beginning.

Theme: Garage – Monplaisir

Podcast Contents Include

Editor’s Note: The following are my original notes for the podcast, slightly edited for readability. They’re very far from the full contents of the pod, though.  – Kari

THE GUEST STAR

1. The guest star in this one is the Tardis, the ship itself. It still sounds like a hungry T-rex. We are gonna need to call the RSPCT here.
2. It’s also apparently somewhat of a person. As it turns out, the reason everything has gone wrong is that they were trying to drive into the start of a new solar system and the ship stopped and tried to explain it to them, but it has no method of direct communication.
3. The Tardis is very clever, but it would be better served with a more direct means of communicating, since the humans aren’t terribly quick on the uptake!

THE TEAM

1. Susan gets very stabby in this episode, and threatens to stab Ian with a pair of scissors. We all have those feelings about Ian, girl.
2. Barbara is the queen of everything in this one. She figures out that the Tardis is trying to explain itself to them, and is able to connect the images on the viewscreen to what is happening.
3. The Doctor doesn’t ACTUALLY apologize to Barbara, just compliments her a few times toward the end. Then he can’t seem to understand why she hasn’t forgiven him! But at least he seems to recognize she’s the smart one.
4. The Doctor lies to the women that they have 10 minutes left when there are only 5, which is a real dick move, and Ian helps him do that, so f*** Ian.
5. The Doctor obliquely takes credit for Barbara figuring out what’s going on (because HE put HER under stress by accusing her, you see) which is also a dick move.
6. The Doctor drugs everyone to sleep, but sort of admits that’s what he’s doing–only to Ian though. Dick mooooove.
7. The Doctor threatens to “put them off the ship.” So he’s definitely willing to murder them.
8. We all saw Ian’s boxers a few times. Why isn’t the Doctor willing to murder US?

THE SETTING

1. We learn a lot about the Tardis this time. Ian sleeps in an equipment room off by himself, as far as I can tell; the women share a room. Everyone sleeps in what looks like barcaloungers? And is that outfit Susan’s wearing a nightgown or wizards’ robes or a snuggie?
2. The Tardis doors can’t be opened by an accident, they have to be opened on purpose.
3. They have magic bandages that turn white when the wound is healed.
4. The food machine has a milk button, and the water shows up in little baggies.

THE SHOW

1. At one point someone says of the Doctor that “his heart seems all right and his breathing’s quite regular.” Doesn’t the Doctor have two hearts?
2. The Doctor flubs THREE SEPARATE LINES in this one, and none of them were apparently worth another take.
3. This is a good episode set-up, but the resolution is weak and hinges on a switch that got stuck due to a spring. The set up is much better than the solution.
4. Everyone is acting oddly at some point in this one. Whatever the Tardis was doing to them apparently confused them but also made them a bit homicidal or paranoid.
5. What WAS the Tardis doing to them?

Sources Include

• ShannonSullivan.com
• The TARDIS Data Core

Kari and Justin finally meet the Doctor’s primary antagonists, “The Daleks,” and see what lengths are worth going to in order to put Ian Chesterton in a trash can. (The answer is: All of them. All the lengths.) Daleks Aren’t Robots!? is a podcast in which two Whovian friends take two non-Whovians on a deep dive through the show from the very beginning.

Theme: Garage – Monplaisir

Podcast Contents Include

Editor’s Note: The following are my original notes for the podcast, slightly edited for readability. My notes will get more complete in later installments of the pod. – Kari

THE DALEKS

0. The name of the podcast. I used to think Daleks was pronounced Day-leks, and also that they were robots. It turns out they are ugly little squid things who are piloting the trash can bots, when they take one out of its case. (I seriously thought the doctor had murdered it. I’m still not sure it survived.)
1. They also have plungers and egg beaters. I am not sure what the plungers do other than plunge, but the egg beaters are a paralysis weapon they nail Ian with at one point. They miss his mouth and get him in the legs though, unfortunately.
2. I do like that the Daleks lie.
3. The Daleks hate laughter.
4. What does it smell like in a Dalek casing? It doesn’t bear thinking about.

THE THALS

1. The Thals are FABULOUS. Puffy vests! Cut-out pants! A kicky little crown for the leader! A kicky fascinator for the woman! I wanna see these people in glorious technicolor!
2. That said, I mostly can’t tell them apart.
3. The show does not approve of pacifism and shows it to be wrong.
4. “We always do what the leader of our race decides for us, but he never does anything without our approval.”

THE TEAM

1. Susan is the only one who wants to be an adventurer and isn’t a wet blanket.
2. The women take turns screaming. At one point Barbara screams as a plunger comes at her, which is supposed to be scary I guess? I mean, I guess you don’t know what might be ON that plunger, so.
3. The Doctor is a selfish jerk and Ian is bossy. No one believes Susan and she’s always right. So there are no changes there.
4. Barbara figures out how to open the doors before anyone else. Later, Barbara comes up with the mud solution to beat the Daleks, and Ian contributes by getting brutally and violently plunged.
5. WHY ARE YOU SPLITTING THE PARTY??? They keep doing this! Once they all get captured by Daleks because of it, and once a Thal friend meets DEATH BY TENTACLE THINGY because of it.
6. The doctor says: “I am too old to be a pioneer, although I was once among my own people.”

THE SETTING

1. They eat candy bars that taste like bacon and eggs.
2. The viewscreen is teeny tiny by today’s standards.
3. At one point they find a Geiger counter in the Dalek city that says “Danger” on it in English.
4. The Tardis has a lock that if opened incorrectly, MELTS stuff.
5. They still haven’t fed the Tardis and it sounds really hungry. But there were no goats on this planet, only a dead metallic animal.

THE SHOW

1. The city design is really cool, even if you can tell it’s a miniature. The asymmetrical doors are a nice touch–it reminds me of Ghostbusters, “No human would stack books that way.” It’s clearly a very small set but they get a lot of mileage out of it.
2. The makeup is good, considering the show is black and white. The doctor looks genuinely sweaty and ill.
3. The padding in this is more noticeable on a re-watch. There’s more sneaking around the city and running through the woods and wandering around in caves than is strictly necessary.
4. You know, when a neutron bomb ISN’T the worst thing that can happen to you, you can’t say the stakes aren’t high enough.
5. We are still doing cliffhanger endings.

Sources Include

• ShannonSullivan.com
• The TARDIS Data Core

In the very first episode of Daleks Aren’t Robots!?, two Doctor Who fans force a pair of non-Whovians to watch the very first Doctor Who serial, “An Unearthly Child,” and talk about it. In the serial, the Doctor attempts a murder, teachers stalk their student and cavemen can’t make fire, but at least Daleks Aren’t Robots. And, as it turns out, sometimes the best option is to kill Ian. 

(Content Warning: Language, Opinions)

Theme: Garage – Monplaisir

Podcast Contents Include

Editor’s Note: The following are my original notes for the podcast, slightly edited for readability. My notes will get more complete in later installments of the pod, but it took me a bit to come up with a better organizational rubric. – Kari

Do not stalk your students!

1. Ian is terrible. The Doctor and Ian are both arrogant but the show only knows that the Doctor is. At one point, Ian redeems himself by saying he’s the least important person in the group and deferring to the doctor as the leader. It’s a good character moment and rare for Ian.
2. Susan is supposed to be 15, but looks 25. She’s super smart and fun and I love her.
3. The Tardis sounds like a T-rex and that’s great.
4. The theme song holds up as a great piece of music.
5. The plot doesn’t actually make sense and there is way too much caveman politics. The caveman’s dad was killed because he made fire, but the person who makes fire is the leader?
6. NEVER SPLIT THE PARTY. Also, what IS your marching order?
7. The Doctor was totally gonna murder that caveman.
8. The pacing here is awful. Episode 3 is totally unnecessary.

Sources Include

• ShannonSullivan.com
• The TARDIS Data Core